i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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