She is in my trunk
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator