All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.