when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
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Rumble strips road head = magical
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?