just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn