i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dating After Heartbreak
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk