she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.