Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.