Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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