she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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