when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
