my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize