Whatcha textin bout Willis?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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