Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
