So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
