I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
