i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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