Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
be right there i have to get my cape
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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