I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
