Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
