Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
