Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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