I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
