Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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