he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
