There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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