Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
