i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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