census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
