is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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