I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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