Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
