I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Enjoy the penises
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
