Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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