my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
