I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
