dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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