why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
