So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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