we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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