Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
