Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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