I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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