batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
