I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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