he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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