why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
