I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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