Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
