We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's the barista slut.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
