end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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