A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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