sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
