i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
