Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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