I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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