She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
