i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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