There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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