How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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