Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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