Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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