dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
