we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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