Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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