I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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