So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
